I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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