I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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