what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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