Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
