First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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