I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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