I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Boobs speak an international language.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Randomize
