you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
ttyl tear gas
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
