Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
