I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
