my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
