I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
