What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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