Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
