dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
