i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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