you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
