you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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