i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
