She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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