it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
