If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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