Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
