your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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