Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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