how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
