Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do vagina's smell?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
