I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
