what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
