Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I smell like Dick and happiness
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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