so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
