Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
