He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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