At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
