1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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