but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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