Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
