well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
