hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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