I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it's like iHOP with fire
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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