An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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