Whod you bang
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
