i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
