I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
