You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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