I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
