You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
