I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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