Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I intend to get homeless drunk
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
