I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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