This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
