Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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