Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
