You can't special order awesome
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
