life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
