I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
