Already got asked if we're dating
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
